I heard a terrible noise coming from the house as I stood in front of Alheri’s gate, waiting to be let in. I went to see a friend and encountered a chaotic scene. Her father scolded and beat his wife. He’d just returned from a long journey and needed a warm welcome from her.
Alheri’s mother told her daughter to get the food ready and serve it to her father when he came back. She went to bed, and after a few hours, her husband returned from his trip and asked her to serve him his food, but she instead instructed Alheri to do so. The husband was irritated and repeated his statement to his wife, but she refused and went back to sleep. He became enraged and pushed her out of bed, sparking the fracas.
In our modern societies, daughters are unconsciously left in charge of cooking and serving the father or husband, and the husbands are not happy about it. This act has caused numerous avoidable domestic conflicts, particularly between husband and wife.
The previous story made me want to find out more about who, among mothers and daughters, cooks and serves the father. Several of my respondents raised some interesting points.
WHOSE “MAJOR” RESPONSIBILITY IS IT TO COOK FOR AND SERVE THE HUSBAND?
According to Mr. Haruna Mohammed, a reporter with NTA Kaduna, the father, as head of the household, provides everything needed for food and home care. It should be the wife’s honour to cook and serve him herself. It’s not a big deal, especially if he requests it. He went on to say that it is solely the mother’s responsibility to cook and serve her husband because he is married to her and not the daughter.
Mr. Kalad Jonathan, a Wikipedia editor, writer, and culture developer, has this to say: “To begin with, when you marry a man, you become responsible for all of his needs, including food. “The mother has the right to teach her daughter how to serve her husband practically, but she should not be forced to serve anyone else in the house, including the father.”
Jesse Kallamu is a Jos University student, and I love how he puts it. He stated, “It is incorrect for the mother to completely delegate responsibility for the kitchen to her children.” There are certain types of food that should be handled by the wife. “Many men are malnourished as a result of the mistake of leaving the kitchen entirely to the children.”
Dr. Hadiza Ibrahim, a lecturer in the department of mass communication at Bayero University Kano, believes that cooking and serving the father should be a joint responsibility of the mother and daughter. She stated that she learned to cook and serve from her mother, and she now does the same for her daughter. She went on to say that while the mother bears the majority of the responsibility, the female children should also pitch in.
When I asked Sheik Shehu Abdullah, a legal practitioner and Islamic teacher, he briefly stated that in his religion and culture, the mother is more responsible for cooking and serving her husband. However, the mothers probably allow their daughters to do them to train them on how to replicate or do better in their husband’s house.
There was a lot of elaboration in the way Pastor Elisha Bala, a speaker and author, put it. He stated, “According to the Bible, it is the wife’s responsibility to serve her husband.” He believes that the children will only be responsible for helping their mother, and that whatever the children do to serve the father should be on the basis of “helping,” but that the responsibility is not theirs. He went on to say that the man should get used to the taste of his wife’s food rather than his daughter’s. Finally, he added to his points that, except in exceptional circumstances, wives should cook and serve their husbands so that it does not appear as if she is doing him a favour by performing these duties.
WHY DO SOME WIVES AND MOTHERS FAIL IN THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES TO COOK AND SERVE THEIR HUSBANDS?
I am pleased to bring our attention back to this practise, which has almost slipped from our mothers’ hands because many women have neglected this office and given the keys to their daughters.
There are wives who do not know how to prepare good meals for their husbands and families, which often reduces the happiness and pride that a man should have for his wife.
So, according to Chef Chidi’s online content, being a motivated, good cook makes the entire process of being a great wife a lot easier. This is one of the reasons for the chaos that develops in a home run by a kitchen novice; it can sometimes reach the point where a couple’s relationship becomes very fragile. So, as a wife, learn to cook a variety of foods so that your husband and children will always look forward to your cooking. This enhances family love and bonding.
Furthermore, some women are victims of these circumstances as a result of laziness or intentional rigidity. Laziness is a flaw that should not be found in a woman because it limits her in all areas, especially cooking. A lazy wife cannot be trusted because she will not give her all to the food she prepares but will rather have someone else do it, including serving her husband. For a man, this is a huge turn-off. Men despise lazy women.
Furthermore, some wives see cooking and serving their husbands as less of their responsibility, whereas others believe their husbands are attempting to control them by requiring them to cook and serve, as in the story above. I’m not sure why a wife would have such a mindset! When a friend told me that her mother hardly has time for anyone in the house, including her husband, because she’s always on her computer and busy with office papers after work, I was perplexed. When the father needed food and asked the wife to serve him, she would instruct the daughter to do so, and the man never complained because his wife was difficult to control, especially since she was the breadwinner.
Sarah set a good example for Christian women by refusing to order her maid to serve the visitors who came to their tent when her husband Abraham asked her to. She was a wealthy woman with many maid servants, but she was never grumpy or lazy. Her husband trusted her and was accustomed to her cooking and serving abilities, so he asked her to serve their visitors. (Gen. 18:1–5)
There is also the story of Aisha, whom the Prophet Mohammed asked to serve him food almost all the time, and she never complained because it strengthened their love and eventually made her co-wives envious. Only when she served him and sat next to him did the prophet enjoy his meals. (Quran 6)
THE EXCEPTIONS.
I would like to balance this important topic because I am not encouraging laziness or laxity among female children. Absolutely not! With the established fact that it is the mothers’ responsibility to cook and serve the father, the daughters have roles to play as well.
When the mother reaches old age and is unable to carry out the responsibilities of cooking effectively, the daughter may take over or assist.
When the mother is not present at home, the daughter should fill the void, which is why mothers should bring their daughters along when they cook.
When the mother is too tired to cook, the daughter should pitch in.
Some mothers withdraw on purpose to give their daughters kitchen experience in preparation for the future.
Depending on the type of food she’s preparing, the mother may be unable to cook and serve alone at times, necessitating the assistance of her daughter.
“Cooking and serving my father is part of my responsibility,” says Peace Jackson, a student at Bayero University Kano, “but it should not be completely left to me if my mother is alive and healthy.”
She said something that piqued my interest. “But it is one of those occasions when I try to honour my father by cooking and serving him.” It is a blessing to be entrusted with that responsibility.
When asked to cook and serve their fathers, I believe daughters should see it as a way to honour their fathers.
She summarised by saying that the daughter learning to serve her father will have a big impact on how she interacts with other men and, eventually, her husband.
WHY SHOULD MOTHERS COOK AND SERVE THEIR HUSBANDS?
I believe that mothers should cook and serve their husbands because it fosters and maintains a special bond between them.
It is true that when a wife prepares meals for her husband, she is always able to reach his heart.
It also strengthens his love and respect for her, and she can easily win him over to whatever she asks of him.It is believed that men do not joke with their stomachs, so the adage “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is correct.
It is also a display of submissiveness, love, and honour to the husband.
A husband’s delight when his wife cooks and serves him “good” food knows no bounds. especially when she sits next to him and compliments his cooking.
It keeps the peace and harmony in the home, and she serves as a good example for her children.
The husband is undeniably dignified and admired by his peers.
Men enjoy being treated like kings, so when a woman generously serves him rich food, the king in him blesses and cherishes her.
Finally, it may be of interest to you that a wife cooking for her husband is another spiritual and physical key to establishing companionship.
Written by Freda Tanko
Bayero University, Kano
